Tuesday, December 01, 2009

bad day...

Dad died two days ago and I've been walking around in a daze ever since. His end, though not unexpected, is still a shock. Nothing prepares you for bleakness of the moment and the mixture of sadness and fear it evokes.

Although in recent years my visits and phone calls were fewer I knew he was always there if i needed to talk. He never judged and was always generous with his time and his wise counsel. A modest man, I will miss his wit and enthusiasm and that wonderful gentle smile.

The laws of succession suggest that as the eldest son, I will be next to depart: this does nothing to ease the gloom that envelopes me. I'm reminded of the Buddhist notion that there is only now. I need to hold on to that.

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